On a Train to an Uncertain Future

To Pirbright

 

I was in a train,
Going to a very uncertain future.

Outside I could see the rain,

In a land that looked stranger.

 

All the peculiar thoughts in my head,

Amounted to a great deal of dread.

Looking around at the other faces,

I realised we must all be nutcases.

 

I ask myself why I’ve chosen this fate.

What’ll be gained from this confusion?

All I can do is learn and tolerate,

The lonely and naive path I’ve chosen.

 

I’ve never really travelled away from my county,
But I felt my adventure could rival Dante.

I stepped from the train and into strange country,

Knowing I was about to loose my liberty with the wave of a hand…

 

August 1994

 

 

What had I done? Well, being trapped in the recession I was in at that time, jumping on that train to what felt like oblivion, it all seemed like the right thing to do. What else was there? Back home friends had gone or moved away or grown ever distant. There were no jobs, no prospects, no education. Only fags, boardgames, books, mulled wine and nothing much else.
I remember vividly waiting on the platform full of of feeling of trepidation that I was not as fearful as I should have been of the unknown. I was very ignorant of anything outside my own sphere.

I will follow Suit

There was a time when this kind of thing, cameraderie,

was frowned upon by working class types. But the one in the middle was no exception - I was soon to join him anyway. It was the early 90's and John Major's recession was a blight on all our futures. To take the Queen's shilling was an escape from the drudgery of going round in circles and bumping into ex-cons and druggies. The only thing keeping us sane were nights by the metaphorical fire with a brew and a book. However, the problem was that this literary life was at odds with the one outside and the two clashed often with friendships being the sacrifice. But in the end those friendsships proved to be superficial anyway. The literary moments were a break from a harsher side of a life of meaninglessness and in hindsite were an absolute tonic.